


Don't Hold Back

by Fairfaxleasee



Series: Cullen/Lyta [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Mage Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Training
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28882950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairfaxleasee/pseuds/Fairfaxleasee
Summary: Vivienne and Solas decide it's high time Hippolyta Adaar start using her magic to its full potential.  She agrees to their lessons (not that there was really an option) but is nonplused when she sees Vivienne has brought Cullen along to supervise her first lesson.
Relationships: Female Adaar & Solas (Dragon Age), Female Adaar & Vivienne, Female Adaar/Cullen Rutherford, Female Inquisitor & Solas (Dragon Age), Female Inquisitor & Vivienne (Dragon Age), Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Solas & Vivienne (Dragon Age)
Series: Cullen/Lyta [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141982
Kudos: 9





	Don't Hold Back

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to @xqueen0fhellx and @blondetexan for being my betas!

_ Of all the people in this stupid organization, why’d it have to be  _ them _? _

Lyta Adaar darted her eyes between the two people in Haven she least wanted to be in front of for this particular exercise. She’d already tried being enraptured by the ground but Enchanter Vivienne would have none of it.

“Darling, it will be  _ fine _ ,” Vivienne was standing about fifteen feet from Lyta, moving Commander Cullen back and forth by imperceptible measurements. “Our intrepid Commander here has well over a decade of experience as a Templar. You’re not going to hurt him and we really must see exactly what you’re capable of.”

Lyta looked down again and kicked a small ball of snow away from her.

“Eyes up, dear. You’re the Herald of Andraste; it won’t do to spend all your time looking at the ground like a common nug.”

“I’m a Qunari mage, why in the  _ world _ would Andraste pick  _ me  _ as  _ her _ herald? I don’t even  _ believe _ in her.”

“That’s a very good question.” Cullen had his arms crossed and was looking at her very suspiciously again. It wasn’t quite a glare, but it did give the distinct impression that he thought Lyta was about five seconds away from trying to blow something up.

And if you switched out deliberate intent for accidental lapse, Lyta couldn’t say she disagreed with him.

She had no clue whatsoever how to  _ use _ her magic like an actual mage. She’d learned what little she had by practicing in the empty field her parents were letting fallow where whatever she might end up doing would (in theory) not hurt anyone or anything but herself. She couldn’t blame her parents for their caution. No one in her family was a mage and there weren’t really any places that would be willing to take in a Vashoth coming into their magic.

Once she had managed to go a few months without accidentally calling down lightning with enough force to blast a two-foot deep hole in the ground, her grandmother had followed her out to help how she could. Her grandmother couldn’t help her with the actual magic, but she was always ready with the bandages and salve for when the inevitable happened and Lyta summoned something she couldn’t quite control. At least Lyta had always been good at making sure she took the brunt of the fallout from her accidents.

She still remembered the advice her grandmother had given her, that she tried to live up to. “Hippolyta, sweetie,” her grandmother was the only one Lyta ever let use her full name without protest. “You may not have asked for it, but you clearly have great power. There are going to be a lot of people who want you to use it how they tell you to. They might say you have to, or they might say it’s the right thing to do; but it’s  _ your _ power. You have to be responsible for it. That means you need to learn how to understand it and control it. And when it comes to using it, remember that  _ not _ using it is always an option. And that not using it may be more important than using it. You can always act later; if you make a mistake, you can’t take it back.”

Except for the magic, Lyta took after her grandmother. They had the same round face, same horns that curved back over their heads and twisted up slightly at the ends, same wavy deep-brown hair, same light silver skin, same blue-grey eyes.

Lyta still missed her grandmother. She had died a few years after Lyta’s magic manifested. She hadn’t stayed with her parents very long after that. Even before everyone realized she was a mage she had never been on particularly good terms with her parents. They just didn’t quite see things the way she did, and it was hard being related to people you don’t relate to, for both her and her parents. Besides, her younger brother seemed to have been the child they wanted all along, and she had to admit everyone got along better when Lyta was in an entirely different country than the rest of them. Although when she joined up with a mercenary company that was the only job available to a Vashoth outside homesteading, she had not expected she’d end up in the middle of this whole Andrastian Mage-Templar kerfuffle, or that when the Conclave exploded people would decide  _ she  _ was the Herald of their god.

Or that she’d finally come across people who’d see through her bluff. Practicing alone in an empty field wasn’t a great way to learn magic, but Lyta was able to learn enough to figure out what exactly she could do without risking her spells getting out of control. The answer, from a magical perspective, was ‘not much,’ but what she could manage, combined with the scythe blade she kept attached to her staff, was enough to keep up in her band. She should have known it was only a matter of time before one of the real mages she was now working with would see through her.

Lyta had been baking some of the sweet rolls she liked in Haven’s kitchen when Solas and Vivienne had approached her. While she should have seen it coming sooner, she knew she was in trouble when she realized that the two of them were looking for her together without anyone else.

“Lethallan, the Enchanter and I have been discussing it, and we are… concerned about your magic.” Solas had looked at her with something very close to pity.

“I have it under control!” Lyta still wasn’t sure why she had gotten so defensive so quickly. She really may as well just have shouted ‘I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.’

“Well, yes, you  _ do _ , however that is rather the problem.” Vivienne had decided to forgo formalities and just look at Lyta with pity. “It’s perfectly obvious, - and Solas and I are in complete agreement on the matter - that you’re holding back in battle.”

“I… so?”

“ _ So _ darling, you, whether you want to be or not, are representing the Inquisition, as well as mages in Thedas. It does not send a good message to have a Herald of Andraste who is afraid of her own powers.”

Lyta had crossed her arms and scowled, “I am  _ not _ afraid of my own powers. I have a healthy respect for exactly what my powers can do if I’m not careful, like say, blow up a chantry or rip a hole in the sky!”

“While that is prudent of you, we still believe you would benefit from lessons-”

Lyta cut Solas off. “Wait, I can have  _ lessons _ ? But who’s going to teach me?”

Solas and Vivienne had looked at each other in slightly disappointed astonishment.

Vivienne, as she usually did, recovered her composure in almost no time, “Solas and I are each willing and, at least for my part, quite eager to tutor you.”

Solas nodded slightly towards Lyta, “You have generally demonstrated an admirable ability to be willing to absorb new information and heed different viewpoints. I imagine you would make an excellent student.”

Lyta had been about to voice her enthusiastic agreement when she remembered a flaw in the plan and frowned as she looked away, “But what if…”

“Darling, we have a contingent of Templars. I’ll make sure we have one or two on hand for your lessons. Now, go clean all that… flour off and meet me on the far side of the lake. We start at once.” Vivienne turned and strode from the kitchen.

“But the rolls aren’t ready to go in the oven yet!” Lyta called after her.

“While I believe my baking skills will be a poor substitute for yours, I also believe that there are few activities more dangerous than making our  _ darling  _ Enchanter wait.” Solas reached out towards the bowl Lyta was working to spice.

Lyta frowned. The rolls were her grandmother’s recipe and she didn’t particularly want to leave them in someone else’s hands.

“Allow me to assure you, Herald; your baking skills need no assistance. It is your  _ magical _ skills that are the cause for some concern, and that is outside the danger of the fury of an Enchanter snubbed.”

Lyta nodded and pushed the bowl towards Solas while keeping her eyes on the counter. She doubted he had meant to, but  _ him _ of all people voicing concern about her magic had made Lyta wonder if she should just ask whether the Chantry would be willing to Tranquil her so she could be done with it.

_ He’s spent who-even-knows how long wandering in and out of the fade alone. If what I do scares  _ him _ is there even a point in trying to teach me? _

She started to slink out of the kitchen when Solas touched her shoulder to get her attention. “Herald, allow me to assure you my statement was not intended to cause distress. Also, while I think we both know why the Enchanter is taking the first swing at this, as it were; if you find her lessons or method lacking, I reiterate that I am more than willing to teach you myself.”

Lyta nodded vaguely before rushing to her quarters to change into something less floury. Solas was right about the potential danger of Vivienne thinking Lyta’d tried to stand her up.

While Lyta had been relieved Vivienne had brought the promised Templar, she quickly realized it would have behoved her to have been slightly more specific about  _ which _ Templar. Especially considering Commander Cullen was the most logical choice for the Templar to have on hand for when, inevitably, Lyta’s magic got away from her.

“What’s he doing here?” Lyta had asked, which had provoked the initial suspicious look from Cullen.

“We agreed it would be best to have a Templar on hand, did we not?”

“No, I know, I just… what’s  _ he _ doing here?”

Vivienne pushed Lyta back a few steps and motioned for her to ‘stay’ before grabbing the fur on Cullen’s armor and dragging him away, “Ah, yes. Our dear Commander was kind enough to volunteer.”

Lyta raised an eyebrow. That did not mesh with her experience of Commander Cullen. In her experience, rather than volunteer to help her with  _ anything _ , Cullen didn’t want to get within three feet of her.

“I did  _ not _ volunteer,” Cullen corrected. “I said that if you were going to be teaching her magic, you needed an  _ actual _ Templar, not one of the raw recruits!”

That was what had initially caused Lyta to try to look at the ground.  _ That _ sounded  _ exactly _ like the Commander Cullen who didn’t want anything to do with her.

“Eyes up dear, there’s nothing interesting on the ground.” Vivienne had turned to Cullen and stopped walking him away from Lyta. “And as you were the only  _ actual _ Templar to be had at the time, I naturally assumed it was your way of volunteering.” She stepped away from the Commander a few paces to look at his position relative to Lyta before addressing her, “Now, for the time being I just want to get a sense of what you can do, so if you would be so kind as to aim a fireball at the Commander, without holding back, we can all see what we’re dealing with. Once we know, I’ll have a better idea of how I can help you.”

“THAT’S your plan?” Cullen sounded almost as nervous as Lyta felt.

“Well, of course it is, Commander. Now, you’re not standing quite right.” That was when Vivienne had started moving the Commander by millimeters.

“I… but… what…” Cullen had protested, but Lyta wasn’t quite sure whether he was protesting Vivienne’s manhandling or the overall plan. Always one to err on the side of caution, Lyta didn’t think shooting a fireball at a Templar Knight-Commander - who was even possibly angry about the prospect - was a good idea. Which was when Vivienne reassured her. And proceeded to ignore all her further protests, including Lyta’s very reasonable questioning of the logic of her being Andraste’s Herald.

“Ours is not to question, darling.” Vivienne appeared to be satisfied with where she had finally settled on putting Cullen and walked back to Lyta. “Commander, would you like to ready your shield?” she called.

“I - what? Maker’s breath, you’re  _ serious _ about this?”

Vivienne glared and crossed her arms in response.

Cullen quickly picked up his shield and readied himself behind it. “This has got to be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done,” he muttered to himself.

Lyta frowned and looked away.

“Well, Herald? Do let’s be quick about it; I can’t say I particularly enjoy standing in the snow.”

“I...um, does it  _ have _ to be a fireball? I’ve never been good at Elemental magic.”

“It’s alright, darling. What  _ are _ you good at?”

“Um, Force and Spirit, I guess?”

“Well then, a lightning bolt or a push will do just as well. Commander? Did you hear that? She’s either going to use lightning or Force!”

“Well, which is it?” Cullen sounded less happy about the change of plan than he had the plan in the first place.

“Are you or are you not Commander of the Inquisition forces? Do you honestly expect our enemies to shout at you what spells they’ll use  _ before _ they use them? Honestly!” Vivienne waived for Lyta to use her spell.

“I… but I don’t want to hit Commander Cullen with a spell.”

Vivienne closed her eyes and pressed a finger to her forehead. “Commander, be a dear and say something that will make the Herald want to hit you with a spell.”

“NO!”

Vivienne tsked, “Fine, I’ll just see what I can remember some of the things you’ve already said that may make her want to hit you with a spell. Ah, weren’t you remarking just the other day about how ‘Qunari’ and ‘mage’ were the two characteristics that were the least appealing for a ‘Herald of Andraste’?”

Lyta frowned. That didn’t make her want to hit Commander Cullen with a spell; that made her want to leave Haven and never  _ use _ another spell.

“You’re taking that  _ entirely _ out of context! What I said was that in terms of recruiting allies to the Inquisition, ‘Qunari’ and ‘mage’ were not going to be regarded as overly trustworthy after what happened in Kirkwall!”

Vivienne waited a few seconds before she realized Lyta still had no intention of hitting Cullen with a spell. She narrowed her eyes slightly at both of them before speaking again, “Alright, but what about your threat to take away her cat?”

Lyta straightened at that, “He wants to take away my cat?” Lyta loved Zemmy.

“Will you stop taking what I say out of context?” 

Cullen tried to address Lyta but she wasn’t  _ about _ to listen to someone who wanted to take away her cat. NO ONE messed with her cat. She drew back her arm and loosed a force spell on the Commander.

And flinched as she watched it send him at least 10 feet further away before he landed on his back in the snow with an ‘oof.’

“Ah, excellent. See what you’re capable of when you’re not holding back, darling? Commander! Get up and stand where I’d put you; we’re trying it again.”

Cullen didn’t move or respond. Lyta gasped.

_ This is  _ exactly _ what Grandmother was talking about! I lost control and I killed someone and there’s no taking it back. _

“Calm down, darling, he’s just being dramatic. Commander, you’re upsetting the Herald, now  _ get up _ .”

“...no.” 

Cullen wasn’t moving but at least he obviously wasn’t dead.

“ _ Commander _ .” Vivienne had her arms crossed and was tapping a finger on her elbow.

“I would almost rather go to another one of Cassia Hawke’s dinner parties! And as for this practice idea of yours, Enchanter, I’m not letting her practice on any more live targets until she learns better control!”

“Oh very well, I suppose you have a point about that, although it does seem as though  _ you _ could do with some practice at  _ being _ a live target," she shot one last glare at Cullen before turning to Lyta. "I’m going to go see the Quartermaster about target dummies. We’ll pick this up tomorrow, Herald.”

Vivienne walked off back towards the village. Lyta stepped cautiously towards Cullen to see just how much damage she’d done. The man had his eyes closed as she approached. He didn’t seem to be moving at all, which was a bit odd considering he’d just been speaking. Lyta tapped her foot on one of his arms to see if he would react.

“Go away,” Cullen still wouldn’t open his eyes. “I’m not getting up until  _ you _ leave.”

“I… okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you that hard.”

Cullen opened his eyes so he could look at her, “Out of… morbid curiosity, how hard did you mean to hit me?”

“Um, ‘not very.’”

“And out of even  _ more _ morbid curiosity, how hard do you think you  _ actually  _ hit me?”

“I think somewhere between ‘a bit’ and ‘kinda.’”

Cullen put an arm across his face, “Maker’s breath, it’s a miracle you haven’t killed anyone yet!”

Lyta frowned. “I  _ know _ , okay? That’s why I try  _ not _ to use my magic!”

“Why didn’t you learn to  _ control _ your magic?”

“Who was going to teach me? No one in my family knows magic; none of the other homesteaders knew magic; I’m not really a Qunari, so I can’t be a Saarebas; I’m not Andrastian, so I couldn’t go to the Circle even when there  _ were _ Circles, the best I could do-”

Cullen took his arm off his face and looked at Lyta again. “Wait, back up. What do you mean you  _ couldn’t _ go to the Circle?”

Lyta cocked her head at him, “What do you mean what do I mean? I just said it; I’m not Andrastian, so I couldn’t go to the Circle. I don’t really know how many other things that could mean!”

Cullen turned towards her and propped himself up on one of his elbows, “You really think that, don’t you? I mean, you genuinely, honestly believe that; it’s not just a convenient excuse.”

Lyta had no idea what the Commander was talking about. “Of course I think that! What else would I think! The Circles are where Andrastian mages go, or  _ went _ ; Qunari mages are Saarebas; I don’t think it’s relevant, but Dalish mages are Keepers; I’m Vashoth! Where was I supposed to go!” She could feel herself starting to cry.

Cullen looked away from her. “I… you were  _ supposed _ to have gone to a Circle, but I can see where that could have gotten… muddled with the way they’re talked about.” 

He shifted to put his feet under him so he could stand. Lyta reached down to grasp one of his arms to help him up. Cullen hesitated slightly before he clasped her forearm near the elbow and accepted her assistance.

He dusted some snow off his armor. “I could have gotten up myself, you know. You didn’t hit me  _ that _ hard.” He chuckled slightly.

“Well, if it means that much to you, I can push you down again and you can get up by yourself this time.”

He reached down for his shield and shook his head, “Tempting as that offer is, I think I -”

He stopped when he straightened and saw Lyta. She was always pale, but something had drained what little color she had and her breathing was shallow. She was looking at something across the lake. Cullen turned to follow her gaze and saw The Iron Bull walking towards Haven’s gates.

“Are you alright?” He’d never seen her react that way to anything. He wasn’t sure he’d seen  _ anyone _ react that way to anything, well except to Cassia Hawke or a venomous snake slightly too late.

Lyta shot him a quick glance before returning her gaze to the gate Bull had just gone through. “Did your parents ever tell you stories about things that would come for you in the night? That would take you away and do terrible things and you’d never see anyone or anything you ever loved again? That were just waiting for you to slip up? He’s,” she indicated the gate, “what they were for me. The Ben-Hassrath.”

Cullen considered his next words carefully. He didn’t want to push her too far away, but he wanted her to understand why he was hesitant to let her get too close. “Well, in Honnleath it was usually the Witch of the Wilds, but…” he sighed. “In my experience, at the Circle in Ferelden and in Kirkwall, the people who caused the most destruction were mages and Qunari.”

Lyta looked as far away from Cullen as she could and nodded.

“But Herald,” she looked back at him hesitatingly, “I’ll say this for you; if more mages were as careful about using their powers as you are, most of the time, we wouldn’t need near so many Templars. And I know  _ you _ don’t believe in Her, and that you’re perhaps not the most obvious choice, but Andraste could have done far worse in picking a Herald.”


End file.
